Beach Ave.

Love lost

Hope gone

Death Shrines on every corner,

After a while they all start to blur and look the same.

 

I grew up on the corner of Beach Ave,

I went to sleep to the sound of gunshots

That sometimes woke me in the middle of the night

The air was polluted with the smells of

Gasoline, sulfur, cigarettes, and Marijuana

The friend that I made the day before,

Died in a puddle of blood,

Shot in the head on the corner of Beach Ave.

 

I walked past the rust colored pavement

Everyday
For months

Until the rain, sleet, and snow

Washed it away.

The next week,

I saw the news,

Another person dead on the on the street

Gunshot victim,

Bullet to the Abdomen

Another Body

Another shrine

All on Beach Ave

All on my street.

 

Some nights I lie awake and wonder

Of all the gunshots I hear

How many shrines will I see

When the sun comes up?

How many news reports would pretend to care

About the dead kids?

Gone because of gang violence

All because they couldn’t escape the streets.

I remember a guy I liked who lived

On the street right behind mine

I was young,

Barely ten years old

We met up at the park every day.

And one day he didn’t show up.

Every day I went

And every day he failed to show up.

This went on for about a week.

I was too scared to watch the news.

But I didn’t have to.

There was a shrine

Right on the corner of Beach Ave.

This city fueled us with venom,

Feeding us with poison

City of Lights

But this city never shed its light on us.

All we got was empty new reports

And scared tenants

Too broke to move out of the hood

And too broke for a funeral

So they put up shrines

And lit candles and sang sad songs,

Strung up pictures of their loved one

And sent prayers upward

Pleading with God to protect their baby

Who had died so young

On the corner of Beach Ave

The city of lights never looked back on us,

To clean up the gang violence

We lived 5 blocks from a police station,

So why would it take nearing an hour

Before they got here

Thanksgiving of ‘06 I witnessed a mugging

On the corner of Beach Ave

All the while wondering

Why are you stealing on the holiday of giving?

 

After years living in this dark place,

Where the City of Lights didn’t even bother

To shed the light inside of her

You get used to seeing blood everywhere.

You get used to seeing knife fights

And hearing gun wars in the middle of the night

You get used to seeing the crap

That we made of this block

And this becomes the norm.

 

You get used to seeing the hatred

The broken liquor bottles on the street,

The blood on the street signs

The vicious dogs that almost killed me

When I was almost nine

The fresh spot of blood that wasn’t there the night before

All on the corner of 1534 Beach Ave

Society Says

I hear the whispers.

I hear them talking.

Saying hurtful things about me as if I had no emotions, no feelings.

As if I was a statue that they could openly mock.

I see the stares.

I see the side looks, and side glances,

The open sneers.

I see that they hate me.

I feel the eyes.

Feel them as they burn into the back of my neck

Feel their eyes on me in the corridor,

On my way to class, or even on the street.

Waiting,

Just waiting for me to slip up.

To make a mistake.

So I try my hardest

To make myself presentable.

Smile,

Straighten my posture,

Keep my head up

Look forward as I walk with grace

Turn up my music

As I drown out the stares

I hear them talking

I see the stares.

I hear the words,

They say I’m fake

Say that I’m booji

Say that I think that I’m better than everybody else

So I shut my mouth and conform

Reform

Deform

Deform my thoughts,

Degrade my body

Devalue myself.

Because Society says skinny is Beautiful

That it’s acceptable to starve yourself

As long as you stay tiny.

Society Says

No one likes a girl that speaks her mind

So I sit here with

An empty expression

And keep my thoughts at bay

Society Says,

No one likes a girl with her own style

So I conform

And transform myslef into

The "cool" girls in the hallway,

And transform there thoughts into mine.

Society says

That light skin is the “right skin”

That dark skin isn’t beautiful

That its not as appealing

So we,

Run to the store

And shove bleaching cream

And anything else that works

Into our shopping carts

Right next to the babys formula

Inbetween the diapers

Spending thousands of dollars

Just to strip away the melanin

And become an “acceptable” skin tone.

And then we teach our kids

What Society has taught us

And wonder why

The world's mindset

Is so twisted.

Society says,

That there are certain rules

That we must live by.

Society says,

That skinny is beautiful,

More womanly.

And if you’re big,
You’re ugly.

But in reality.

Society

Is the only ugly one I see.

Your beautiful.

Just

The way

You are.

And you should never

feel anything other than that.

"All little girls should be told

that they are pretty,

even if they aren't"

-- Marilyn Munroe

Perspective

I'm blind 2 my love,
Of my perspective of life.
No matter what you have stole,
It's been my heart from the start.
But even though you got it;
It's still not yours,
'Cause I'm married to nature,
It's beauty I can't put in words.
My heart was broken
Even when it never showed,
My tears went silently,

Even when you never seen.
My facade was to show,
That I was never hurt,
To hope you couldn't see my heart,
Pumpin hard through my shirt
But things changed,
When you saved me from myself.
half dead,
Nursing me back to health.
  I wish I could change the past
And sheild it from the pain;
But that would be really insane.
You've got my heart,
Oh,
My life belongs not to you.
Screw changing the past,

I want you
If I were to change it we wouldn't be,
And I bet you baby,
That my life would be misery.
You've got my heart,
But I've gt my brain,
But my life belongs
To my perspective on everything,
Because life is just so f*cking interesting

Against All Odds

I'm trapped.

Bounded on my hands and knees.

The mountains too high,

Can't you see?

You'd think I'd do anything,

To be free.

*Wrong*

I don't like where I am

But that's where he put me.

You'd think there's nothing left to do,

Than go to the rhythm ofmy life's song.

*Wrong*

I've got faith the size

Of a mustard seed,

More like a speck of dust.

But I'm willing to keep believing,

If it be your will.

My heart beats, For you to use me one day.

You put me here.

Where I am.

So I can do your will.

With my last breath,
On this Earth. I'll thank you.

And I know for a fact,

That that's not wrong.....

 Because you help me

Against all odds